It's a funny thing, they think living is a progression of fixing life's problems. Alas it's the other way around, living is about life's problems fixing you one at a time.
There's a mountain located at the southern end of the great dividing range, about 60 km North of Melbourne in Australia; This is also in close proximity to Port Phillip, a sequestered bay with a 264 km shoreline harboring some of the clearest, richest and bluest waters a man's eye can ever be blessed to glance upon.
This peak is an arduous climb of 2400 feet, T'was an inspiring and challenging trek for two gentlemen in 1824 namely Hume and Hovell. They climbed and climbed and reached the summit, hoping to glance upon the bluest of the blue waters of Port Phillip, the mountain, home to overshadowing pine trees however, left them at the summit with a rather insipid and lackluster view of a couple of leaves. There were no Azure waters and no awe inspiring vantage for Hume and Hovell.
They named this mountain, Mount Disappointment.
The christening proposition of being morbidly obese is it's ability to define you, for better or for worse. You're the big guy, Fat Frank. When people are being cute, you're a gentle giant or Yogi Bear and when it's a Monday your sobriquets tend to hover around Chewbacca and Fat Fuck.
But when you think about it, it's still pretty special.
Sure you don't have to buy clothes at the plus size store anymore, sure your chances of dying from a cardiac arrest and other obesity related co-morbidities reduce drastically.
But being big is like having faith, you have a fall back plan. You have something to pin all your problems to. Skinny people have to wait for a bus too, Skinny people have relationship trouble too. Skinny people cry themselves to sleep too.
So if you're trying to lose weight because you think it's going to solve all your problems... Don't.
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| Because fuck Port Phillip, that's why. |
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